Care Experienced Adult Survivor I’m standing in front of strangers in the clothes I’d been taken in. An unclean school uniform with rips, that didn’t even fit. That’s all I had in that moment. The social worker and police had just taken me to the hospital, I’m bruised, I’m hurting, I’m afraid and sad beyond any words. Everything was different. I was scared they would hurt me too. The foster carers wanted to wash my uniform, I was too afraid to get changed, let alone wear stranger’s clothes. What would they have wanted in return? Would I not get them back? I couldn’t talk to them I continued to be mute with fear and sadness. Most of my other belongings were needed for evidence, this mad me feel angry because I didn’t understand why, what was left came in a bin bag. I felt like the “tramp” so many people called me and not worth being looked after. I often wonder what it would’ve felt like, if I’d had my own comfort case. I imaging I wouldn’t have slept in my uniform if I’d had pyjamas that were mine. The two photos and keyring that were my only childhood treasures, wouldn’t have been destroyed at the office, mistaken for being rubbish. I recently found this out, it hurts today as much as it did then. They could have been placed with love in the rucksack and stayed with me. I could’ve still had them today. I also wonder, with the love and care being given from a comfort case, with a lot of firsts like a toothbrush, would that [have] given me the courage to speak out quicker? Would having a teddy for the first time [have] led me to finding words for what happened, because I’d had something to hold something to tell? These things will never change for me which still breaks my heart. I will never get my treasures back. It’s not too late for other in that situation now.
The First 24hrs in Foster Care: A Child’s Perspective
The first 24hrs in foster care: A child’s perspective A quick google search of what ‘a child’s first day in foster care’ may look like and the results are the same, all from the perspective of the carer. The voice of the child lost in the system, in the chaos and upheaval, through the paperwork and the need for physical safety. As a child in care (CIC), too often do we have questions related directly to our personal situation or feelings, with only a constant revolving door of caseworkers and social care professionals alike to turn too. Another face of the system, a foreign object, around for a few fleeting weeks then gone, on to the next. We ask what to expect and the adults answer. We can tell sometimes even they don’t know, but they’re the adults, they’re supposed to have answers, so they offer them anyway. I am here to illustrate the perspective of the child; to provide an insight into the feelings, emotions and understanding that we have when the system takes over and we are ‘removed’ from family, ultimately leading to some of the do’s and don’t for foster parents in these first critical hours. One in four CIC suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the removal process, let alone the details/events leading up to and beyond this. By putting the child at the forefront of this process, we can work towards avoiding any unnecessary trauma from the removal process. You may be questioning what exactly I mean by the ‘removal process’. This is used to describe when the Local Authority has to get involved in separating a child/children from their parent/guardian, placing them in temporary or permanent foster care; the term itself feeling cold and detached. There are, of course, various paths that may lead to a child ending up within the care system, but for the purpose of this article we are talking about an ‘Emergency Care Order’ or ‘Emergency Protective Order’. These orders are issued with the intention of immediate removal of the child where social services have deemed the child at risk of ongoing/imminent physical, mental or emotional harm. The very nature of the ‘Emergency’ intervention means that no one in the scenario is aware of what is happening until it actually takes place, despite whether or not there has been previous support from social services. Here, I am going to outline my first 24hrs in permanent foster care after such removal via an Emergency Protection Order – for myself much like many others, this isn’t the first time in care, but unlike before, this time we won’t be going home again. So, what happens? I was out picking blackberries with friends, when my friend’s Mum drives past, she sees me and has this pale, concerned look on her face. “They’re looking for you, out by yours’”. I nod and my stomach sinks. I know something is wrong, so we take my friend’s Mum car and as we walk up the hill and around the corner we see 2 ambulances and several police cars. I run towards the house and am stopped in my tracks by a policeman- ‘you can’t go that way you don’t want to see that’… but I am looking for Dad. ‘He’s gone’ I am told. Gone where, with whom and why? “He’s in an ambulance, he’s ok but your neighbour isn’t”. This is often where people start talking over you, literally above you, my head moving back and forth, like watching a tennis game but instead, it’s the adults, discussing the next steps in your life. All plans to get you sorted, find out what’s happened and what happens next, decided without you in the conversation and as if you’re not even on the scene. The social worker does her best, but she too has questions, so many questions and the chaos brings no answers. At this stage, where we will live from now on is usually a mystery. The social worker will be told an address, likely to be temporary foster carers, until you get moved on to a permanent home. Otherwise, if you’re lucky I guess, like myself and my brother, you get moved straight to your new foster parents, where you’ll live for good. Maybe. The car journey is silent, just you, the social worker and the black bag of clothes that has been collected for you. Before leaving, I tried to get into my house, I remember screaming for Dad and trying to get down the steps and into my home, before being stopped by the police. I’m not allowed in, the house is a mess and I’m told I don’t want to see it. Besides, it’s now a crime scene. So, the social worker collects what belongings she feels suitable, they are loaded into the car, my brother and I are loaded into the back seat and off we go. To the unknown, away from the life you know and are used to; it feels like a kidnapping. It’s important to consider that in this situation, when the child comes from an unstable home environment, where their life is likely to have been filled with neglect or abuse, they are often met with the assumption that they’d be pleased to get out. Thankful and grateful to be rescued and taken to a safe space. This isn’t the reality, our parents are our parents and our home is just that, our home. We will still crave their love and approval, as dysfunctional as this may seem, we are used to the home life environment and will therefore probably want to stay. The reality for many children in care is that we are used to an uncertain and temperamental home life, often balancing between the mental state and emotions of our parents. We’re used to things being a bit ‘on edge’ or having to change our behaviours depending on those around us. For us, it’s safer than the unknown of a new family
Expert by Experience Story
Expert by Experience Story Ambassador for Comfort Cases UK. Expert by Experience of Child Sexual Exploitation and Abuse. Lived Experience of the Care System. I went into care aged 14 with only the clothes I stood up in.Didn’t know a great deal about hygiene, self care or image. Just knew a lot about how to stay alive. There were a lot of firsts going into a foster family. My social worker took me shopping for my first toothbrush and hairbrush. My first time eating with a knife and fork and more importantly the first time I ate an egg! (Its a long story! Mostly I was told what I’d like to eat and what I was never allowed). I moved around 13 foster homes and 3 children’s homes within 2 years. Along the way I was gratefully given more belongings, small treasures were collected from the house I was dragged up in. A keyring, a couple of photos…not a great deal more. Each time I moved my belongings were put in a bin bag. I felt so rubbish I didn’t even know how this also symbolised how I felt let alone reinforce it. One day my treasures were put in a small box and they went to the social workers office. Sadly when I called to get them they were no longer there. The work that Comfort Cases UK do and hearing all about it really resonated me. We can forget the simple things when there’s so much big stuff to deal with. When you have nothing, everything is important. When you have no one someone will make a difference. Recently I put one of my treasured belongings in a bin bag, to see how that felt as an adult. I took a walk around the neighbourhood. Instantly, I was taken back to a time that I could only describe as hell on this earth. I reflected on that time and that terrified girl walking into a strangers house, not knowing what was next. The fear of asking for something I needed, where if I asked the people who raised me I’d get beaten or worse.I brought myself back into the present, with my loyal dog, my home nearby, the food in my fridge and the warmth of my friends..Still grasping the bin bag.I wondered if I’d of had a Comfort Case would I have been able to keep my treasures? It would have avoided so much fear around asking. I never had a Teddy as a kid, I would have loved one. Maybe the foster families thought I wouldn’t of been interested as I was a teenager? If by sharing this brief heartfelt story moves you to support please do so. Any contribution will have a massive impact on a child who may have, like me come from nothing but fear. So, here’s THE CHALLENGE – put some of your most treasured belongings in a bin bag, and carry them around with you for the day. Maybe replace your briefcase, or your handbag, your gym bag or your school bag…..Take a photo of yourself and tag @comfortcasesuk on instagram or facebook. Let’s make people aware of this issue. The hashtag is #nomorebinbags. Would you put your treasure in a bin bag?
